There’s a lot of stress and pressure involved in planning a wicked party and if it’s a party for people you don’t even know and who just happen to be from the future then that stress and pressure is multiplied by a gazilion. In case you’re wondering what the hell this is all about then have a quick squizz at this very relevant previous post then come back and join the rest of us here when you’re done.
Yet again I felt compelled to let Stephen Hawking know how I was attempting to mess with the space-time continuum so I sent him this impeccably worded tweet that he couldn’t possibly ignore:
He ignored it. But with the knowledge that my version of an invitation to future time travellers was easily accessible to him I could move on to the important planing stages of my party.
Everyone knows that any successful party requires a good mix of tunes that can cater to most tastes. And if the party is a themed party then songs relating to that particular theme are a must and I don’t care how tenuous some may seem, it’s my party and I’ll rock if I want to. Here’s the playlist I put together and then transferred to my iPod for ease of transportation (click on the image to make it bigger and clearer if you’re a music nerd or aspiring party DJ):
A successful party needs more than music, it needs fun! With the drugs and alcohol already sorted out for the big day all I had to do was head off and procure the cheap fun that only comes in colourful plastic bags so I went to the supermarket and stocked up on this crap:
Since I was a boy-scout for a period when I was younger I knew I had to “be prepared” for anything. That’s what the cub-scouts taught me, and to always carry around like 40 cents all the time to spend on a phone call from a pay phone should an emergency arise which, nowadays, is a totes lolz antiquated practice. I got all “be prepared” alright, check out this pic of all of these recording type devices we rustled up…
...just in case something gigantic actually went down. There’s even two goddamn dictaphones right there! #hardcorejournalism. The photo was taken with my iPhone, so add that to the list too. That pink and white iPhone 5 is my girlfriend’s, not mine. That other white thing you probably don’t recognise is a Wikireader and I packed it in case I needed access to the world’s largest and most questionable encyclopaedic database at the internet free venue. The Wikireader is in fact a bunch of unresponsive and reluctant and awkward to use shit that I, if I were scout master, wouldn’t even emplore today’s lazy ass scouts carry around with them in case of a no-internet emergency. And, yes, I’ll admit I forgot got pack a pen and paper as a means of record #hardcorejournalismfail.
I can now reveal to you where and when I held this party:
The venue was really the middle of a national park, or the middle of the “bush” for those of you not from Australia, smack bang at the sort of crossroads where people would go to meet the devil to make pacts at midnight but the party was set for 11pm, so you know, we wouldn’t run into the devil. I didn’t want to jeopardise my guest’s safety any more than I may already have.
My girlfriend and I headed to the venue early to set up. The thick clouds hid the night’s full moon aura so it was darker than we expected but we weren’t deterred, we got busy and dressed up the nearest semblance of a structure, a wooden road sign, with streamers to give the place a festive and welcoming vibe.
Then we cracked out our banana lounge chairs. We only brought two. I figured if a time traveler showed up then we could all take it in turns of sitting and standing, just so it was fair.
While we were waiting for the clock to strike 11pm we had a few drinks and cranked some music to get the party atmosphere cranking.
The clock struck 11pm. We waited with baited breath. We scanned the area. We were silent. We looked at each other with questions in our eyes. We scanned the area again. I waited for the flash of blue light which would indicate a wormhole was imminent which would be followed by a person or object of minimal paradoxical impact. But nothing happened. Nothing. Time marched on. Three minutes later and still nothing happened.
No matter what scientific and technological advancements we may create in the future as a race, our human needs and societal norms, such as to be fashionably late to a party, will always influence our decisions and actions. I had taken this into consideration, that, you know, the time travellers would be late to the party, so we sat in the car and listened to the party playlist I prepared earlier while we waited. The pic here is a bit shitty but that’s The Power Of Love by Huey Lewis & The News and the time is 11:10pm.
We waited a while longer and again there was nothing. I figured that if these people are so stuck up that they’re going to be more than 45 minutes late to my party and expect me to still be waiting patiently for them then they’re not the kind of people I want to party with anyway, no matter where or when they’re from. They’re probably stuck up hipsters and I’m glad I didn’t have to look into their eyes framed by thick, cheap black plastic.
The unprecedented and completely unexpected response to the previous post on this subject got everyone talking and this one chap in particular raised a very logical point…
…as pointed out by the replier to his comment. This, along with the possibility of the warnings on my invitation being ignored, could be a major factor into why this experiment didn’t work for Stephen Hawking and I.